VOTING IS NOW CLOSED
“Hello, as with everyone, I never thought I’d be here. Still very very raw. Our little tiny Melody grew her wings yesterday. Our 5 (exactly) week old much angel. I don’t know where to go or whether I can post here. So please forgive me if I’m in the wrong place. Hubby has finally dozed and yet again sleep fails me, so thought I’d introduce myself. Please bear with me as I don’t know the medical terms well. Melody was born at 26+6 due to pre-e and help syndrome. She was such a fighter we even got a discharge date… until Sunday where she sadly had enough and grew her wings. We have today found out she died of overwhelming sepsis and IUGR where we been told had I carried further she wouldn’t have survived.
I don’t know why I’m posting, what I want or where to go from here… I just don’t know.
Sorry for rambling”
This was one of my very first posts as a newly bereaved Mum. I had spent my time on a forum throughout my pregnancy; I’d made friends with people I had never met. I didn’t know where else to go.
This would be the beginning of not only my journey through grief, but writing about living with grief. Five years ago my blog was born, wandering lost and confused I found this safe place, which became a way to communicate with people who couldn’t quite understand what goes on in my grieving brain; I wanted to reach out to other parents, to show they aren’t alone.
She died so unexpectedly, I had no idea how we’d carry on breathing.
There was no bravery, nothing about survival, it became a life I never chose. I wanted a way to keep her memory alive; so I chose to grieve openly and freely, to break the deathly silence
The further forward I move, the more I write the more I learn that Post Neonatal Death awareness is so low, we fell into a limbo, she was too young for some support, too old for another. I need to be able to show that our daughter, our miniature hero who was here for five weeks mattered, her life was important. She smiled, she fed she loved a cuddle; she lived…now I have to be her voice. I have to speak up for this girl who fought so hard to be here. I have to walk and breathe for her, I have to make sure her death meant something; by sharing her, our grief I hope I can help another family who has to bury their baby get through the most ugliest and darkest of times.
By hosting my own blog I have been involved in an annual blog project, writing guest posts, awareness posts, and I am also a contributor for online magazine – Still Standing Magazine; I have also indie publishing Melody’s life and after. From early on in this journey I was able to give back for what I received support through the online forum; but I knew I had more to give, it led me to set up an face to face support group, through a Charity, I never want to leave a single person out.
Melody has changed me so much, I never wanted her to die, I desperately wish she could have stayed; she has led me to places I never imagined.
I’m scared I will forget her.
You can read more about Melody here http://melodyandme.co.uk/
What Others Have Said
Julz’s continued commitment to helping others via her incredible writing and her blogs, as well as raising awareness, and fundraising for Towards Tomorrow Together, continue to be both inspirational and humbling. She has done so much it’s mind boggling!