Right at this moment you could be feeling any number of feelings – or none at all. We won’t even begin to guess at how you might be feeling. We would like to reassure you that everything you are feeling and thinking is “normal”. Or whatever word you can use to describe acceptable feelings in a situation which is about as far from normal as you can get.
You might be feeling shocked, scared, sad, lost or apprehensive. You might be feeling numb. You might be hoping that the doctors/midwives are wrong. A small part of you might still be looking forward to meeting your baby.
It’s difficult to understand what will happen next. When you have just received the news that your baby has died, it’s hard to take in anything.
This isn’t supposed to happen. When you prepared to meet your baby it wasn’t supposed to be in this way. None of us plan for this, no one talks to us about this being a possibility. So, unlike bringing a live baby into the world, we have no blue print for this situation. None of the books or websites you read during your pregnancy helped you plan for this moment.
Even though your baby has died, you might have been surprised to learn that you will still give birth – and most likely you will have a vaginal birth (unless there is a medical need for a caesarean the recommendation is usually that a vaginal birth will carry less risk for future pregnancy).
ChoicesIf you have discovered that you will miscarry your baby, you may have some choices available to you about the way that you give birth to your baby. You can choose to allow nature to run it’s course, or manage the birth medically or surgically.
It may feel suddenly as if all of your choices have been taken from you. This isn’t true, you can still make some choices about your birth. It can be helpful to some parents to take time to plan for their birth, to consider the choices available and to communicate these to the staff who will be looking after you.
On the following pages we’ll help you to consider what choices are available to you. You can download our Stillbirth or Miscarriage Birth Plan here. You can use this as a discussion tool with your family, birth partner and the staff who care for you.